21 Dating Mishaps That Caused People To Bail.
Nathan Johnson
Published
04/11/2021
in
wtf
These were total nopes.
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1.
Not super weird, but on our second date we went back to her house and she basically forced me to sit and watch Jeffrey Dunham videos and stared at me intently to gauge my reaction. I find feigning enthusiasm to be exhausting so I just told her straight up (in a polite way) that it wasn’t really my sense of humor and she started crying. -
2.
Speaking for a friend (because it’s legendary). They didn’t date people very often, but for this guy, made an exception. He was the ideal type for said friend, so the friend says yes. Halfway through dinner the date loudly proclaims to want to defecate on my friend’s chest. Friend squeaks out a “good for you!” and walks out. I only know because I was called to spot a good stiff drink to wash away the night. -
3.
Biting me through my leather jacket with enough force to leave teeth marks and a massive bruise. I know she was just trying to be “playful”, but that is way too aggressive. -
4.
We went to the bar and she kept calling me things like sweety, hunny, cutie, etc. I kindly told her it was weird she was calling me those names for a first date and she laughed. She invited me back to her place and we had sex – I was young and dumb. Once finished, she told me she was happy to find her future husband and wanted to know when I was looking to get engaged. I said “nope” and walked right out. -
5.
He brought his entire Mormon family on our date and had them sit in the row behind us during the movie…this was my first official date when I was 16, by the way. -
6.
With no hint of sarcasm, told me that she “moved out of her trailer the day before, had followed Phish for a ‘few years’ after high school, was staying with friends for a while, got to see her 3 kids every Wednesday, and had a job interview lined up for the coming week”. -
7.
Besides taking off her glasses, and licking them to clean them? Or do you mean the time she shook the ketchup bottle and the entire thing emptied on me in the middle of a restaurant….maybe the girl who screamed “I shaved for this!?” When I told her I wasn’t going to pay for a takeout meal for her for the “next day” – which I later found out meant – “current boyfriend”. Take your pick. I have plenty more. -
8.
I was a single dad and made it very obvious in my dating profile that I had a kid. Went on a date with a lady a little older than me and she must have forgotten the fact that I had a kid because she started talking about how she just got out of a relationship where she was a stepmom and didn’t want to date anyone with kids. When I reminded her that I had a son she did a complete 180 and changed her mind. She decided that moment that she was actually cool with kids after all… That sudden change was a red flag for me. It was weird how one minute she went from never wanting to raise kids because of how burned out she got, which was completely understandable, to all of a sudden backtracking. It was so cringy and desperate to see. -
9.
Got set up on a blind date (back before the internet was invented). He showed up to my house staggering drunk and covered in bruises and a black eye because he face-planted on our sidewalk. Then he started crying when my dad refused to let him come in to see his “future wife.” I’d never met him before, he was the brother of a casual friend. I can’t remember why I agreed to go in the first place. -
10.
He told me on the first date that he had recently been sexually assaulted, by a ghost. At lunch he turned bright red and started shaking and crying, in the restaurant, in front of everyone, because I didn’t pay for his lunch. I’ll never go on another blind date again. -
11.
I had been seeing this guy for a long while and thought it was going to be a lasting relationship. One night, I was giving him oral and in the middle of it, he picks up the phone and calls his mom. I start to sit up and he holds my head down to finish while he listens to his mom’s voice. -
12.
He had multiple empty soda cans in his shower. The next time I came over, there were even more empty cans. I couldn’t shake the image of someone legitimately consuming a diet root beer while showering. I was out. -
13.
We were watching a movie at his place on our second date. At some point in the movie, he must have been so emerged that he forgot I was there because he started picking his nose…and then he ate the findings. He then realized I was watching him, and he started crying and threw himself on the bed. He was so upset that I had to tell him it wasn’t a big deal. We finished the movie, but I didn’t feel very attracted to him after seeing his diet, so there was never a third date. -
14.
He Started crying in the middle of second base, because he was telling me he had survived testicular cancer and bringing that up triggered his memories of his child custody case. Then he ended up asking me for legal advice (I’m a lawyer). And said he thought he liked another woman more. -
15.
When she asked me if I helped pay her rent she would be my fuck buddy. I was suspecting this was not the first time she has done this. -
16.
He tried to hold my hand. I know that shouldn’t be weird, the thing is, I didn’t know it was a date. He was 35 and my boss…I was 19. He told me the staff was going out to see a movie in theaters so I went only to find him, and only him, dressed in formal attire. Fucking weird. -
17.
He swerved to purposefully hit a cat while driving to our date location. He didn’t actually get it though thank God. -
18.
First time meeting and after about two hours (had food and went to a museum) a guy asked me if it was ‘pervy time’ yet. -
19.
She disassembled her sushi and ate the components separately. -
20.
We went rock climbing for a first date. I got to the top of the first route, asked to be lowered, and he dropped me 40 ft to the ground. It was indoors so the floor was padded and I avoided the hospital trip, but walking wasn’t fun for a while. Needless to say… there was not a second date. -
21.
Joked about stuffing me in his trunk and driving away with me. I extracted myself somewhat quickly.
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