“Forgot my plastic spatula in the oven while heating up my lasagna.”

“Saved a 60″ TV from the trash, fixed the backlight for free, then cracked the screen putting it back together.”

“I didn’t want that iced coffee anyway.”

“Just bought my first house. Was told there was hardwood under all the carpet. Tested a discreet corner in the closet, which did in fact have hardwood beneath. But not the living room. Looks like I’ll be spending too much money on new flooring now.”

“This loaf of bread my girlfriend bought was hollow.”

“Running Late To Work – Running Out Of Gas – Swiped My Card And…”

“Table shattered while I was laying in bed in another room. At least the vase survived.”

“I’ll do the dishes tomorrow”

Be careful when you’re both painting AND drinking coffee.

“I ordered two bananas at hotel room service.”

“Driver slid into a ditch. Now I get to clean up the moldy V8 they left me.”

“Every day is a Monday.”

“My eyeliner was ON POINT this morning… and then I sneezed.”

“I order: crystals from China. I receive: sack of corn.”

“Second bite into my calzone and I find the metal wire from a twist-tie.”

An attempt was made.

“Locked my door and ran outside my apt in a hurry, keys got caught inside.”

“Bought this cat tower, but my cat doesn’t fit.”

“2 bites in…”

“The painter went over my doorbell and now it’s stuck.”

“Overfilled my jars to freeze the bone broth I spent 48 hours simmering.”

“Spent two weeks working on my new Lego Saturn V rocket, only to have it immediately roll of the shelf.”