“My roommate recently ran a marathon with a headband on, and it resulted in a mildly interesting tan line.”

“My backyard burned down while I was taking a dump.”

“Was proud of my sketch and then I spilled my ink jar on it (not pictured: my desk, also covered in ink)”

“My phone case didn’t come with this pattern….”

“This is what $525 in losing scratch tickets looks like”

“Accidentally dropped my mom’s bead case. Will be busy for the next 12 hours.”

“Bought a $40 bottle of blueberry wine to treat myself after a long week. Looks like I’m treating the ants instead.”

“I don’t know what I hit or ran over, if anything, but two of my tires just exploded. By the time I pulled over one was long gone.”

“Every single avocado (minus 1) from a Costco pack I bought 2 days ago.”

“What happens when you put leather gloves in a washing machine”

“Was wondering why the smell of chocolate followed me out of the airport…”

“When you spray tan and don’t count ’Mississippilessly’”

“Hail damage to my grandparents’ patio chair”

“Just normal milk shattered a glass perfectly in 2 and exploded the milk across the kitchen.”

“A circle of glass knocked out of a window by a chip of concrete thrown from a circular saw cutting kerbstone outside.”

“My new auto-folding umbrella just ejected when I tried to open it.”

“Must have been really windy to blow a window out!”

“I went to the gas station and came back to this.”

“Just started dating this guy a month ago, and I broke his shower door.”

“I broke my boyfriend’s tempered glass while cleaning up his PC, time to pack my bags because I’m gonna be single when he gets back home.”