“Got mistaken for an extra while on Bourbon and ended up spending the entire night on the Preacher set. Had the best time of My life and got In the show.”

“A spider monkey attacked me and bit my face.”

“Was walking home in Guatemala when this happened.”

“I can carry 20-ish wine glasses in one hand.”

“Johnny Depp was in my in-laws’ wedding band.”

“So I landed on someone’s lawn one day…I walked up to the closest house and knocked on the door. A guy opened the door and I asked “Where am I and whose lawn is that?” He looked at me like what the heck is going on. Then he looked around the corner and finally understood what happened.”

“I crawled into a bear cave with two cousins to video tape hibernating bears when I was a teenager…they were not asleep. Our parents destroyed the tape in hopes that it would prevent future stupidity, but this picture survived.”

“I walked out onto the sideline at the Rose Bowl (the stadium, not the event, although the event is held at the stadium) in the first half of a UCLA football game and watched the remainder of the game with the team and players. I pretended to be on my phone and walked straight down and no one even gave me a second look. I didn’t know what to do during halftime, so I just stayed on the sideline and watched the halftime show with the band/cheerleaders. Still, no one asked “What the f*ck are you doing out here?” Stayed out there for the second half and saw UCLA win and ran across the field with the players and then found my friends, who all assumed that at any moment I was going to be arrested, and then left the game.”

“I went away to nerd fitness camp and really took to the archery portion. In some freak shot, I managed to shoot the edge of a balloon without popping it. The instructor never saw anything like it haha.”

“My son getting to first base with a camel.”

“My parents forbid me from going to Lolapalooza ’93 in Philadelphia on account of it being too dangerous. Went anyway. Came downstairs the next morning to find a picture of me crowd surfing on the front page of the Philadelphia Inquirer sitting on the kitchen table. Thought that I had been caught, but they had not noticed. “

“I was buying a suit, i tried on the jacket but couldn’t find the pants to match, the person in the dressing room comes out wearing them, its Jon Stewart”

“In high school, I mostly fit in a suitcase.”

“In Paris, France during labor riots circa 2006. During a peaceful tour of the opera house, an army sized crowd suddenly formed and erupted outside. A door to the balcony was open and I, alone on the balcony, approached the congregation, lifted my arms like so much dictator, and shouted “Vivre la France! Vive la revolution!” They cheered insanely and I booked it out of there seconds before security swarmed the balcony.”

“Well the party was over and the empty keg needed to be returned, and all we had was a motorcycle so my buddy wore it as a backpack.”

“There was a pink squirrel in my backyard.”

“I was out in NOLA when I wasn’t feeling well. My wife and friends decided to stay out while I headed in for the night. I get a text saying they ran into Norman Reedus and Jon Bernthal. “Right…” I woke up a couple hours later to this picture.”

“Louis CK shot Louie in my house.”

“I caught a uninjured, healthy falcon with my bare hands when I was 14/15. It was trying to attack my chickens and I managed to nab him, then had to dash through the house to find my mum to take pictures so I had proof. I named him fitzgerald.”

“I once took Christoph Waltz whale watching.”

“Got hit by a car while riding my bike and won.”

“Chicken slipped from my hand while cooking, splashed hot oil into my hand and burned a perfect dick shape into my hand.”

“On my 13th birthday i had my nose picked by a bird at a zoo. i didn’t want it to but it was persistent.”

“I once explored an abandoned house that had an upside down room.”

“I found the end of the rainbow.”

More.

“My sister’s cat doesn’t give a f*ck where he sits and this one time he sat on my head .”