When I was 10 I saw this cool magic trick where you soaked a dollar bill in rubbing alcohol and the alcohol burns off and your dollar bill stays intact so stupid 10 year old me was home alone one day when my mom left me $20 to order food with I ended up soaking it in rubbing alcohol and burning it causing it to disintegrate into ash immediately.

Someone asked me what time it was and I lifted and rotated my wrist so I could look at my watch. I was holding an iced tea and just poured the whole thing into my lap. I wasn’t wearing a watch. I didn’t even own a watch. Never have.

I chopped an aerosol paint can in half with an axe. I was far old enough to know better but my cousin and I thought we had it worked out. My mom always said, “One kid, one brain; two kids, no brains.” Boy was she right. I was yellow for a week.

Went to a coffee shop and ordered a large cup of coffee. Barista hands it to me and I put it into my purse with no lid.

I jumped up and (successfully) bit the string that is used to pull the attic door down. It had a metal bead on it... Immediately after I remember thinking “holy crap I actually got it in my mouth and broke the string”. Then I realized the string was still there, but half my front tooth wasn’t. As the best man at my wedding said “the attic string went fishing for idiots and caught one”

We were driving to a restaurant and wanted to see how long the wait was. My dad handed me the phone book and asked me to look up the number. I, for whatever reason, thought he said “get rid of this”. So I opened the window and chucked the phone book while we were going 70 MPH down the highway. That was over ten years ago, I still get s**t for it.

Maybe not the dumbest but a recent one on my mind. I was in my office with the door closed. Got up from my desk to walk out and knocked on the door before opening it and walking into the hallway.

During a traffic stop, while trying to act casual, I handed a police officer $50 instead of the licence he asked for.

I tried to put out a candle by covering it with a Kleenex.

When I was a wee boy I woke up early before everyone, went down to the kitchen, grabbed a chair, brought it to the fridge and took the small metal pencil sharpener from the top. I decided to sharpen my pinky first thing in the morning so I can have a sharp finger?? Ended up waking the parents up and bleeding profusely.

When i was about 8, i was walking out of school, i picked up some pink fairy floss (cotton candy) off the ground and put it in my mouth. It was insulation.

You know those old cigarette lighters in cars? Nobody in my immediate family smokes, and when I was younger, I pressed it in and it popped out. I pulled it out to inspect - it was just grey coils - it didn't look red hot or anything. So I tested that sucker the best way I knew how. I stuck it to my tongue.

Yesterday I was using a nail gun on the trim around the windows of my house. Being the idiot that I am I decided to see what would happen if I shot a penny. The nail ricocheted off the penny, shot past my head, and ended up in the fridge behind me. Close call.

When I was a kid I went into my parents bathroom. I found my dad’s razor and I decided to scrape it against my tongue, my whole tongue. I started screaming in pain immediately after.

Was a backseat passenger in my friend's car and decided to open the door and just kind of roll out while driving down the street.

Boiled a pot of pasta. Then poured the water and noodles down the drain.

Wondered what would happen if I pedaled the bicycle as fast as I could and then brake it as hard as I could. P/s: I hit my crotch at the middle of the handlebar and also flew a couple of meters onto asphalt.

I put my finger into a handheld blender and turned it on to see if I could stop the blades from spinning. I couldn't, and it chewed up my finger. I was 21

Anyone else jump down a flight of stairs because you thought you could make it? I was 4.

I once told my roommate I was going out of town, but really hid under his bed for 5 hours so I could freak him out that night.

Me and my brothers would tie ropes to each other and run in opposite directions. Did it to trees too. I tried to bungee jump from a tree with just a regular old rope, that one hurt pretty bad.

When I was 5 I wanted to see if pepper made you sneeze like in the cartoons so I shoved a black peppercorn up there. Burned like hell.

Sprayed hair spray onto a lamp while it was on. The bulb shattered and when my parents asked what happened I said I had no idea

I microwaved a single cheeto.

Snorted a line of instant ramen seasoning

Sometimes I blow on my ice cream before I take a bite. Have no idea why.

I took a bite out of a bar of soap.

I stuck my hand in a bowl of soup simply because I hadn’t before.

I put a seaweed in my purse to take home with me, because it was pink.

Light a tent on fire