I'm sure I've heard something more dumb but someone once said to me, "Snakes aren't animals. They're lizards." When I told him that snakes and lizards are both reptiles and reptiles are animals he said, "Clearly you haven't done your research." I have a degree in biology.

Visited a historic site with a friend, when the guide told us it was Neolithic, older than Christ, she was shocked that people existed before Christ. She’s a nurse.

Old co-worker of mine: "Nowadays 12 year old girls get abortions because they think it will make them popular!" He was a f*****g idiot.

"Okay well if the earth is round, then how come Australians don't fall of?" Then she looked at me with a sufficient smirk like she just debunked centuries of science.

I used to work at a CONCRETE dam. I've been asked 3 different times if it is a man-made dam while looking at the dam.

Lad I used to know when we were 17 or so once said he knew someone who could run a mile in one minute. When I called b******t, he said "how tf would you know?", so I said he'd have to be running at 60mph. He then asked me how I knew that, so I said well if he could run a mile in one minute, that means 60 miles in 60 minutes, therefore 60 miles per hour. He then said "that's not how it works". Bless him.

My aunt (who was pushing 40) wondered if she needed to worry about prostate cancer, since her grandfather had it. This is the same aunt who insisted that the Dutch are from Denmark. When I told her the Dutch come from the Netherlands she was like "no, sweetie, those are Neanderthals!".

Worked on an animated movie as a group project, had this discussion; “Can you take a look at the credits and check that it’s correct?” “Yeah it looks good except you put me and Dave on character design. I did character design and Dave did the backgrounds. If you can fix that it’s all good.” “So credit Dave for the backgrounds? Like this?” “Yes, and remove him from character design” “Why?” “Because he didn’t design any characters, I designed every character on screen.” “But he drew a boat.” “Yes, but it wasn’t a sentient boat, and it was in the background. So it’s part of background design.” “But he drew a plane.” “It was also not a sentient plane. Characters are the things that are alive.” “I seriously don’t understand what you want me to do.” “Remove Dave from character design, since he didn’t design any.” “That doesn’t sound fair.” “Hi Dave, did you design any characters?” (Dave) “No, you did all of them, remember?” “See, Dave didn’t design any characters can you please remove him from character design” “Ok, if it’s that important to you”.

“how was i supposed to know the strawberry açaí had strawberries in it” after giving it to somebody allergic to strawberries.

When I was still in the restaurant industry, someone ordered a turkey burger, medium rare. I explained that we have to serve the turkey burger fully cooked, due to it being poultry. “But it’s a burger.” “Yes, but it’s a patty made out of poultry.” “So why is it on the burger menu?” “Well, it even says on the menu that our turkey burgers are cooked well done.” “But your burgers are cooked to order.” “Yes, our beef patties are cooked to order. Turkey burgers need to be fully cooked.” She begrudgingly relented. Then complained to my then-manager that I’m an idiot.

My gf once asked me why I believed in reindeers. She thought they were magical creatures like dragons or unicorns.

"No need to worry about lead contamination in our drinking water - we boil it before we drink it." - my boss at an office based in an old Victorian school building in the UK

My cousin once asked “where do astronauts land when it’s only half a moon?”.

“I didn’t think you’d really leave. You don’t just divorce someone because they are a bad husband.” - My ex. I got tons of dumb one liners from him!

A coworker (a morbidly obese fellow) said that he didn't need to do cardio because he drank coffee and energy drinks. Because those things made his heart beat faster, and that's all that cardio is, he doesn't need to exercise. Completely and totally serious to the point that he absolutely could not understand why people waste their time running, bc energy drinks exist.

I went to see a Dr. for my neck issues. She was asking me questions. She asked about my commute to work. I said I did have a long commute. My neck would bother me while driving. The Dr. told me, in all seriousness, when traffic is stopped on the freeway get out of the car and walk around the car as many times as possible to stretch. walk around the car while stopped in freeway traffic. I never had another appointment with her again.

Knew a girl in high school who thought chipmunks were baby squirrels. While not the most outrageous thing to think, when we all told her that wasn't the case, the teacher told her that wasn't the case, the internet told her that wasn't the case and an encyclopedia from the library told her that wasn't the case, she refused to believe it. She even went so far as to lie about having a pet chipmunk that grew into a squirrel. I wonder how she's doing these days. Oh yea she's in the United States House of Representatives. Figures.

I had a female co-worker who got really upset when Prince Harry got engaged to Meghan Markle. When I asked why, she said it was because she wanted to be a princess. I laughed, because that's a very silly thing for an adult to say and I genuinely thought she was joking. She just looked at me dead in the eyes, super serious, and said again "I wanted... to be... a princess!" We all lived in a country very far away from the UK, and she had almost a 0% chance of ever meeting Prince Harry.

Mom once told teenage me that getting an internal ultrasound meant that a robot took my virginity. I think she cried over this, IIRC.

That he didn't believe Africa was real.

Working in the meat department of a large grocery chain: "What's the difference between a fresh and a frozen turkey?" "Is......is this a trick question?".

Someone told me that drones were an extreme security threat, which is a fine argument to make (as long as you have the evidence to back it up), but then he instantly followed up with the comment: "But how do the spies *fit* inside the drones? These drones have to be pretty big to fit the people inside." This had me dumbfounded.

An old ex, when I confronted him about his clashing outfit, told me he doesn’t know because he isn’t a fascist… I asked him what he meant, and he said “you know, someone who is into fashion”. My dad couldn’t stand him and thought this was the funniest joke ever.

I work at my husband’s auto repair shop. After discussing next steps with a customer, I told them their gas light was on. They sighed and said, “great… how do we fix that?” My response was dead silence. I was trying to determine if they were messing with me or not. They realized during my silence with the look on my face that they just needed to put gas in the car. They are one of my favorite customers now and they certainly keep me on my toes!

I had a high school student, in an honors level class, once ask a question (I don't remember the exact context) "...so is that why you stop, drop, and roll when there is a fire?" She was legitimately surprised when I told her that "stop, drop, and roll" was for when YOU are on fire, not just when there is a fire.

"Oh, it's like winning the lottery" After she find out i got a widow's pension after my husband died.

I asked someone how tall he was & he said, “5 foot 12 inches”. I chuckled but he didn’t mean it as a joke.

“A major in psychology is so smart for job interviews because you can read the minds of people interviewing you.”.

My elderly mother told me that 90% of Wisconsin is covered by cement.

When Nelson Mandela died a radio station in Milwaukee stated that the president of Africa has died.