In mascara ads, the models are wearing lash extensions. No mascara is going to make your lashes that long, sorry.

If I start CPR on you, you have about a 5% chance to survive. I still try my hardest.

Wash your fruit, we find spiders hanging out in grapes and berries all the time, your friendly neighborhood grocery store employee

Plumber. I make over half my money using one tool that costs $50, and a skill that can be learned in 20 minutes.

Many of the books you read - especially romance - aren't written by the person whose name is on the cover. Most romance books are ghostwritten and bought by someone else (often a man, I've found) and published under a female's name with a fake bio. How do I know this? I'm a ghostwriter.

Teacher here: I hide YOUR secrets. If your kids know it, I know it. Children are tactless and impulsive and they tell me all about your reproductive habits, financial difficulties, domestic problems, and tindr dates. I know so much about moms and dads that I wish I could erase from my brain forever. But I will never tell! You're welcome!

It is against Walmart's company policy for hourly employees to call 911 in the event of an emergency. Rather, they must notify the nearest manager, which could take anywhere from minutes to weeks depending on where the manager is, what they are doing, whether the hourly employee has a walkie, etc. Employees can be, and have been, fired for calling 911 to report an in-store emergency.

I get paid to tell you what your employees have been telling you.

How we fix our computer issues in IT: We turn it off and on again.Seriously, this fixes 99% of computer issues.

A lot of people think military is synonymous with discipline and top-tier job training.I've seen things that would make a McDonald's worker think that their job is pretty high-class.

I am a welder for a company that builds rollercoasters... Every single weld is inspected and x-rayed for any defect. So I guess this doesn't apply but just so everyone can feel a little bit safer I figured I'd let you internet people know.

Teacher - it's that time of year to make class placements for next year. Every year there are two or three teachers in the school (elementary) who are so awful, we cry over which students we have to 'sacrifice' to them and hope they are strong enough to survive a year with Mr. or Mrs. So-and-So.

If your baby is in full-time care (40+ hours a week) the odds are that we know about their milestones (rolling, crawling, walking, talking, etc...) before you do. It's just because the majority of their waking time is spent with us. We don't tell you because working hard to provide for your kid doesn't make you a bad parent, and we don't want you to feel like you're missing out.

I work in video games. Our job is to make our game as addictive as possible so that we can make the most money out of micro-transactions. (Think mobile phone games) A lot of our game design is by marketing telling us what people will most likely buy in the game by watching data. Sure, it starts free-to-play, but to keep you playing and paying we mine data to make it more "sticky."After a while I felt like I was working for a drug dealer and quit recommending our games to people I knew. Sure, people have fun playing the games we make, but I don't want to hear later about how much money you or your kids wasted on it.

In mental health, often the appearance of progress is more important than progress itself

Every driver of a truck has nodded off at one time or another making them an 80,000 lb death missile.

I own a bar, we get rich while a lot of people drown their sorrows in alcohol (Serious, that really depresses me somehow)

FedEx Office doesn't recycle.I've personally killed probably close to an acre of forest.

If you're sitting at a blackjack table and aren't sure what play to make, ask the dealer. No, seriously. We're trained to know the official Blackjack strategy guide and are allowed to give you that information (considered common knowledge). If the dealer doesn't know it off hand, their supervisor should have a copy of it and will help you out.

Baggage handler. If you check a skateboard by just slapping a sticker on it it will get ridden.

Sewer inspector. I can tell exactly who/ what house is dumping oil and grease down their drains. It's usually the churches and businesses that get nastygrams and fines but we need to shame the house people too.

I used to work for a major package delivery service unloading semi trailers.The flat screen TV you ordered for Christmas was under a gun safe and a lift kit for a truck.

After working in the travel industry I can tell you that hotel room rates are often not fixed prices. If guests come to the front desk and ask the price we generally start at the high end. Most people accept this as fact and pay up. However, if a customer is hesitent or threatens to walk out we can sometimes drop the price to keep them there. Often there is a bottom line price set by the owners- we can't go any lower than that or we lose money.

Camp counselor. Your kid is a brat. You're a s**tty parent

Tech startups: many places spend almost no time or effort on security. It's a race to add features and patch over major bugs to try to get some kind of revenue stream before funding runs out. Security isn't a problem until it is, so it's always on the back-burner.

GM of a rental car company here.Do not, under any circumstances, buy additional roadside assistance or premium roadside assistance.Essentially every new car comes with 5 years of free roadside assistance from the manufacturer. As long as you weren't off-roading, just give the manufacturer's RSA hotline the VIN and mileage and you are good to go.

9 out of 10 AC units are the same. Despite the brand and by extension the cost they mostly come from one maker in New Jersey. Ingersoll Rand.

I worked for Whole Foods, that stuff in the prepared foods section you pay top dollar for isn't even organic. It's not even from the store. We'd go buy ingredients from Costco. Whole Foods tries to justify you paying so much money for your meals because it's all organic and fresh ingredients but it's a lie. Also the hot bar is just reheated leftovers from the day before.

Software development:You will always be pressed for more time and money. Your product will almost always launch with major bugs and issues- you will spend most of your final moments before go live fixing as many of the VISIBLE issues as you can, and subsequent updates actually getting the product to where you envisioned it as you were building.

Bakery owner here: if you order a custom cake, we will charge you a fair price depending on decoration, size, flavorings, etc. no matter what type of event it's for. we don't upcharge you for weddings, as much as Reddit likes to think. We will, however, upsell you. Do you want white cake? that's fine, but this Genoise sponge is much tastier (and costs .75 more per serving.)

Do you want a lace-wrapped bottom? what if I hand piped lace all over it, it would be much more beautiful (and cost about $100-$500 more, depending on cake size.) you get the idea. Basically, if you have a firm cake budget, make sure you let the bakery know when you start your tasting. Take their suggestions if they fit within your budget. they won't try to upsell you too much unless they are entitled or disrespectful, and it'll save a lot of disappointment.