Today is Saint Paddy’s Day, and if he were here he’d want you to get plastered.

After all, he was the patron saint of alcohol. Or maybe he’s the patron saint of the color green, or Irish people in general? I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. Just drink. That’s what today is about. Getting hammered in the middle of the day, living without regret, and Americans pretending they're from a country that barely even celebrates the holiday.

It’s a beautiful, weird time that only comes once a year. Make it one that you’ll probably forget.