“I took out my DSLR after moving.”

“In my defense, I’m really high.”

“Someone tried stealing my car last night.”

“Saw this on someone’s car in the movie theater parking lot”

“Spray Paint Bottle EXPLODED inside my Honda Acty Kei Van.”

“Was told by my builder that this was the correct paint for the walls”

“Stepped on a rusty nail.”

“Beefaroni without any beef.”

“My neighbor left his Thunderbird outside with the top down. It’s pouring.”

“I set it against a wall and it slid down, it fell half a foot..”

“Last sip of coffee, felt something in my mouth. Spit it out thinking it’s some grounds or something. Nope, it’s a tick.”

JEEZ.

“My coworker ladies and gentlemen”

“Left my bathroom window open for 3 weeks whilst I was away and a bird laid a nest in my sink”

“This contact lens split apart in my eye. Has this happened to anyone else?”

“A bench at a bus stop I go to has been removed.”

“Pulled it’s way through a board and then broke my hammer.”

“People who just leave their stuff on a workout machine and disappear for 15min! I only needed 10min I could have been done already.”

“My fiancé ladies and gentlemen.”

“The birds don’t like one seed type out of my mix”

“Hotel I’m at just charged my 14 bucks for a couple of Eggos and 10 tater tots.”

“How my boyfriend packed up a moving box with kitchen stuff while I was at work “

“This guy in front of me at the movie theater. He had the brightness all the way up.”

“How my boyfriend eats his Jimmy Johns sandwich”

“My wife told me to bring down the black and white laundry basket. I brought this down and she got annoyed that I brought the wrong one.”

“While my family with young kids were staying at this airbnb, a old man walked into the backyard and started draining the pool.”

“My husband, the driest texter”

“The “hotdog” served at my highschool.”

“The break room at my job.”

“Customer service suggested I “Smash it with a hammer”. This is the 3rd time this month.”