34 Unexpected Funny Jokes.
Nathan Johnson
Published
07/26/2022
Some real zingers.
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1.
“DO NOT TOUCH” must be one of the most terrifying things to read in braille. -
2.
If your Tesla gets stolen, is it called an Edison now? -
3.
The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic -
4.
Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport. -
5.
I was gonna tell a time travelling joke but you guys didn't like it -
6.
Why the hell did they name them 'Soldier ants' and not 'Combatants'? -
7.
“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously. -
8.
man addicted to drinking brake fluid claims he can stop anytime he wants -
9.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel everyday. -
10.
If I had 50¢ for every math test I've failed, I'd have $7.20 -
11.
An interviewer asked me how well i can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody. -
12.
Together, I can beat schizophrenia. -
13.
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making and now, I can’t read anything. -
14.
If there's one thing that makes me throw up, it's a dart board on a ceiling. -
15.
The word "misread" can be misread as "misread". -
16.
I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make. -
17.
Chameleons are supposed to blend well, but I think it's ruined this smoothie. -
18.
My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan. -
19.
I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park but it’s just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it. -
20.
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night, set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. -
21.
Nothing tops a plain pizza. -
22.
Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not -
23.
I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks. -
24.
Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run. -
25.
I hate it when I'm texting, I get rudely interrupted by a cyclist bouncing off my windscreen. -
26.
I accidentally bit the inside of my cheek and now it hurts like crazy every time I sit down. -
27.
Superglue can also be used for cleaning your computer keyboarddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd -
28.
The thief who stole my iPhone could face time. -
29.
I tried to remarry my ex-wife but She figured out I was only after my money. -
30.
It's quite ironic that "strap on", backwards, spells 'no parts'. -
31.
Say what you want about waitresses but they bring a lot to the table -
32.
Tequila won't fix your life but it's worth a shot. -
33.
Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a Church window cleaner. -
34.
y = mx + b
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