“Screen came off this morning but I’m still getting notifications. I’ll look down to check the time or who’s texting me and well… yup.”

“My college labs have been canceled until further notice… and I was not included on the mass text.”

“If you like something that is not yours, buy the property so it cannot be destroyed.”

“Ordered my first 144hz monitor because I upgraded my PC, great job fedex.”

“Came home late from work, drop my open sandwhich in the parking lot. Go to make pasta, the first pot slips and I pour it all on the ground. Make a second pot and the handle straight up breaks and my pasta goes everywhere. Didn’t eat; had a lil cry.”

“First day of work and someone stole my windshield wipers.”

“So Subway supposedly started to make pizzas where I live.”

“Drove 45 mins to the store thinking I had my mask in my pocket. It was a baby sock.”

“Leather Shop Opens After 53 Days Of Quarantine Only To Find All Of Their Products Had Molded.”

“My car got totaled while I was asleep in bed and ended up half way down the block in our neighbor’s front yard.”

“My SO got diarrhea halfway through dinner out, and left me here to finish it all by myself. The waiters think I’ve been dumped and keep flashing me pitiful glances.”

“Mowing the lawn and a rock flew up and hit the door.”

“When the perfume you bought your wife for Christmas ends up in the toilet as “air freshener”.”

“Dropped this after buying today. Put it all back in, stood on a pin, dropped it again.”

“Thought I threw dog treats into my bag on the way to the beach. Turns out it was sourdough starter.”

“Someone unscrewed this whole thing and stole 3 bikes including mine.”

Mosquitoes are a real bitch aren’t they?