“So the hairdresser messed up my haircut. I tried fixing it and ended up with this. I call it ’The Phil.’”

I got this whole grain bread... More like hole grain.

My wife wonders why the vacuum hasn’t been working.

Forgetting to remove paper from your pocket before doing the laundry.

Flight attendant? I need some honey for my tea, please.

You can tell the character of people by how they treat service industry employees.

My roommate left my cast iron pan to “soak” for 3 consecutive days while I was out of town.

Being a school janitor sucks.

How my 22-year-old sister opens ice cream packets

The way the eggs were put in the fridge...

A caretaker stole my grandpa’s old Rolex before he died. I was supposed to have it...

Stood during the entire concert, nobody else was standing. Picked a fight with someone who asked her to sit down.

The space my wife gives me to sleep on our queen size bed.

My plants weren’t watered and the person I paid to do that said, “I didn’t think you cared if they died, they’re just plants.”

Take a wild guess as to what’s not under this sign.

The first and second ones did not have any tea inside, and the third one didn’t even have the bag.

They put ice in my milk.

Reporters need to stop with this.

This tiny gap, where my wedding ring now lives.

I ordered an eyeshadow palette online and this is what arrived. Completely unusable.

“I’m still waiting for my adult teeth to grow in after I lost the baby teeth. At least I can make a pretty good beaver face.”

“Our dog is still learning how to use the water bowl correctly.”

“I’m in bed and in the dark, I heard chewing. I couldn’t see so I took a picture using the flash.”

“Just saved this little guy. I had to remove the front end of the vehicle to do it.”

“A plumber from a water company came to fit the toilet seat after they broke the last one. This was the result.”

“My boyfriend bought a leash for our cat who loves to go for walks.”

“My wife tried to make Mickey Mouse pancakes.”

“My boyfriend put a pizza in the oven and fell asleep, and this was the result.”

“My wife tried to let me sleep in today. My son wanted to use the tablet, but the charger wouldn’t go any further.”

“When you forget it’s paving day”

“I was really looking forward to this.”

“So I bought my cat a scratching post.”

“After finally fitting the couch in the car, we decided to take a victory picture.”

“So my sister accidentally used powdered sugar instead of flour when making cookies, and this was the result.”

“I ordered a lettuce burger, thinking it would come on 2 pieces of lettuce.”

“I ordered an ice cream sandwich in Thailand. This is what they gave me.”

“First time trying to grow carrots from seeds. 6 months later...”

“Is it a watermelon for ants?”