The pop star who accused airport security of groping his penis: In July 2015, British pop star Morrissey accused a Transportation Security Administration (TSA) officer of sexual assault at a security checkpoint at the San Francisco International Airport. In a blog post on a Morrissey fan site, the former frontman of The Smiths said that up until the incident, “all was well” at the start of his journey from San Francisco to London. “No bleeps and nothing unusual,” he wrote. After Moz passed through a full body scanner, and before he collected his belongings from the trays at the security checkpoint, an officer began to grope the singer. “(He) stopped me, crouched before me and groped my penis and testicles,” Morrissey alleged. "The officer quickly moved away as an older 'airport security officer' approached.” Two British Airways Special Service staff members who were accompanying him on his flight were “horrified” by the incident and suggested he lodge a complaint with the TSA, which he did. When the officer in question was told he had just been accused of sexually groping a passenger, he said, “That's just your opinion." “Apart from ‘that's just your opinion,' he would not comment, even though, since the penis and testicles were mine and no one else's, then my opinion must surely have some meaning,” Morrissey wrote. “But, of course, what the airport security officer was saying was: your opinion will never count in the eyes of the law." The TSA denies any wrongdoing, and after reviewing closed-circuit TV footage of the encounter, the officer in question appeared to have “followed standard operating procedures in the screening of this individual.” Was Morrissey groped or wasn't he? We can't say for sure, but after researching the next story, he might just have a case!

Two airport security officers who were fired for hatching a scheme to grope hot men: In April 2015, two TSA agents at the Denver International Airport were fired after allegedly conspiring—on "roughly a dozen" instances—to allow one of the agents to grope the crotches of men he found attractive. What was their plan? “He (the agent) related that when a male he finds attractive comes to be screened by the scanning machine, he will alert another TSA screener to indicate to the scanning computer that the party being screened is a female," police wrote in documents obtained by a news station. "When the screener does this, the scanning machine will find an anomaly in the genital area and this allows (the male TSA screener) to conduct a pat-down search of that area." After a supervisor had observed the agents—one man and one woman—in action, the two were fired. The female TSA agent reportedly confessed to the plot. No victims have come forward.

The man whose large penis was mistaken for a gun by the TSA: In 2012, Jonah Falcon was stopped and frisked by the TSA at the San Francisco International Airport because of a bulging package hidden in his pants. The 41-year-old New Yorker wasn't packing a dirty bomb, drugs or a Costco-sized tube of toothpaste—he was, however, packing the world's largest recorded penis. How did the incident go down? "I had my 'stuff' strapped to the left. I wasn't erect at the time," said Falcon, whose penis is 9 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect. "One of the guards asked if my pockets were empty and I said, 'Yes.'" Falcon was led through one of the X-ray body scanners and passed a metal detector. That's when he knew he'd be questioned. "Another guard stopped me and asked me if I had some sort of growth," Falcon said. As he passed through airport security, he said a younger security guard felt threatened by his "very noticeable" bulge and interpreted it as a biological threat. "I said, 'It's my dick,'" Falcon laughed. "He gave me a pat-down, but made sure to go around [my penis] with his hands. They even put some powder on my pants, probably a test for explosives. I found it amusing." The screener gave up the extensive search without so much as cracking a smile, and Falcon made his flight back to New York on time.

The airport security officers who took a tiny gun away from a sock monkey: In 2013, a sock monkey, Mr. Rooster Monkburn, was successfully disarmed when a TSA agent confiscated the puppet's two-inch, vaguely gun-shaped piece of plastic—and then threatened to call the police. Redmond, Washington resident Phyllis May attempted to smuggle the stuffed, armed (and dangerous) sock primate through security on her way from St. Louis to Seattle. Sensing trouble, agents on duty stepped into action and pulled Mr. Monkburn's carrying case from the conveyor. Hilarity then ensued: "She (the agent) said 'this is a gun.' I said 'no, it's not a gun it's a prop for my monkey.' She said 'If I held it up to your neck, you wouldn't know if it was real or not,' and I said 'really?'" The TSA agent told May she would have to confiscate the tiny gun. She also said she was supposed to call the police. “Rooster Monkburn has been disarmed, so I'm sure everyone on the plane was safe,” May said. “I understand she was doing her job, but at some point doesn't common sense prevail?”

The TSA chief who stepped down after agents failed the majority of airport breach tests: If you had to guess how well the TSA scored in detecting explosives in airport breach tests, what would you say? Would you say they were right 50% of the time? 70%? How about 5%? That's right—the TSA recently failed 67 out of 70 tests, meaning members of the Homeland Security Red Team were able to smuggle fake bombs and weapons onto planes 95% of the time. Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson was apparently so appalled by the findings "he sought a detailed briefing on them at TSA headquarters in Arlington, Virginia" according to sources. The DHS (Department of Homeland Security) inspector general's office review found “vulnerabilities” throughout the system, attributing them to human error and technological failures, according to a three-paragraph summary of the investigation. Also, it was determined that despite spending $540 million for checked baggage screening equipment, and another $11 million for training since a previous review in 2009, the TSA failed to make any noticeable improvements. As a result of this finding, Melvin Carraway, an 11-year veteran of the TSA who became the acting administrator in January 2015, resigned. He was immediately reassigned to a DHS program coordinating with local law enforcement agencies. His successor has yet to be named.

The rapper who found a note from the TSA in his luggage: In 2011, rapper Freddie Gibbs tweeted something pretty incredible: "The TSA found my weed and let me keep it. They just left me a note. 'C'mon Son,' Lol." Freddie posted the above photo, which appeared to be his stash, accompanied by said note. A spokesperson for the TSA said, "(The) TSA takes all allegations of inappropriate conduct seriously and is investigating this claim. [...] Should the claims be substantiated, (The) TSA will take appropriate disciplinary steps and refer the alleged possession of an illegal substance to law enforcement.” Was it a hoax? We don't know for sure. In October 2011, a TSA agent who has since been fired left a note reading "Get Your Freak On Girl" after finding a vibrator in a woman's checked luggage, so anything's possible!

The cat that went though an airport X-ray: This one is less a fail on the part of security officers, and more on the part of a passenger. The traveler put his cat through an X-ray machine at LAX airport in Los Angeles. The furry discovery was made after a JetBlue passenger placed his bag, which was not a pet carrier, through an X-ray machine in Terminal 3, according to LAX Police Department spokeswoman, Sgt. Belinda Nettles. TSA officers removed the cat from the bag and determined that it had not been harmed by the machine. The passenger told a TSA supervisor that he did not know animals were not supposed to be placed in the machine, Nettles said. It was soon determined that the incident was an accident. Both the man and the cat were allowed to board their New York-bound flight.

The TSA agent who stopped a man for his District of Columbia license: If you live in the U.S.—and have a basic understanding of geography—this should be a no-brainer. A reporter, Justin Gray, was left baffled by a TSA agent at the Orlando International Airport after he demanded to see the passport of the Washington, D.C. resident and news correspondent. The agent was apparently not familiar with the District of Columbia, and, therefore, could not accept Gray's D.C. driver's license as a valid form of ID. Gray was able to pass through the security checkpoint and notified the supervisor on duty of the odd problem. According to a later tweet from Gray, the TSA responded by showing every Orlando agent a picture of a D.C. license. You would think this was an isolated incident, but it's not. In February 2014, a TSA agent in Phoenix delayed a D.C. resident because he couldn't present a "state-issued" ID.

The airport security officers who took away a little girl's stuffed animal: In 2013, after passing through the security checkpoint at Lambert-St. Louis International Airport without incident, the youngest member of the Forck family—3-year-old Lucy—was suddenly singled out by TSA agents for additional screening. Lucy suffers from Spina bifida, and in addition to being wheelchair-bound, she is also forced to endure an exposed spinal cord in the small of her back. Regardless, TSA agents insisted on patting Lucy down, so her mother pulled out a video camera and began recording the scene. "It is against the law for you to record," an agent tells her at one point during the video, but Nathan Forck, being an attorney, knew that statement was false, so his wife kept right on filming. She said, "You can't touch my daughter unless I record it." The entire ordeal lasted some 45 minutes. Agents even confiscated Lucy's beloved stuffed animal, Lamby, causing her to become inconsolable. "I don't want to go to Disney World," she can be seen saying through sobs. The TSA has since released a statement saying it "regrets inaccurate guidance was provided to this family during screening and offers its apology." The TSA also reiterated that it's fine to film its agents at work and admits that ordering a pat-down of a child as young as Lucy was "not proper procedure." The family eventually made it to Disney World, and Lamby was returned to little Lucy.