If you have a Samsung phone and call your friend that lives on another continent, you're calling from a Galaxy far, far away.

Through, tough, thorough, thought, trough, though don't rhyme, but pony and bologna do.

You don't realize how little shampoo you actually need until you are almost done with the bottle.

The computer that your are using is the result of a long series of tools being used to make newer tools, all the way back to the caveman with a rock.

Brushing your teeth before going to the dentist is kind of like cramming before taking a test.

There are few things that scream "top of the food chain" like eating squid-ink calamari pasta. You're eating another animal and seasoning it with it's own defense mechanism.

At age 30, you've spent a month having birthdays.

Every day you spend multiple hours vividly hallucinating. Then you wake up and eat the meat of other animals for energy before going off to do something you don't really want to do in exchange for pieces of paper.

Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

To the dinosaurs, we live in a post-apocalyptic future.

Because telescopes work using mirrors, we'll never know if there are any space vampires.

If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.

The best defense against somebody videotaping you is to blast a song by an artist that is serious about copyright infringement.

Why do baby clothes have pockets?

If colleges really want to prepare high school students for today's job market, then they should only accept students who have "at least 2-3 years college experience".

If Goldilocks tried three beds, then Momma Bear and Daddy Bear slept separately. Baby Bear is probably the only thing keeping the family together.

Your debit card pays for things with past hours of your life, and your credit card pays with future hours of your life.

Bushing your teeth is the only time you clean your skeleton.

The best item to protect you from sasquatch attacks is a camera.

"DO NOT TOUCH" would probably be a really unsettling thing to read in braille.

If you think about it, lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.

The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.

We put clocks in our mobile phones so we didn't need to look at watches. Now we put mobile phones in our watches so we don't need to look at our mobile phones.

Shouldn't bald, hairy men use shampoo on their bodies and body wash on their heads?

The English language has evolved to the point where 'Literally' is used figuratively as a hyperbole.