A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus… “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, if I wanted a double I would have asked for it.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender asks if he wants anything. René says “I think not” and disappears.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on.. After the seventh order the bartender pours 2 beers and says “you guys ought to know your limits”.

Pavlov is sitting at a bar when all of a sudden the phone rings…. Pavlov jumps up and says “I forgot to feed my dogs”

Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time giving him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little causing him to be very frail. His odd diet also gave him notably bad breath…. This combination would cause him to be super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Whats the difference between an Etymologist and an Entomologist. An Etymologist knows the difference.

The other day my friend was telling me that I didn’t understand what irony meant. Which is ironic because we were standing at a bus stop.

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks if he has any bags. The photon replies “No I’m traveling light”.

Your momma is so mean. She has no standard deviation.

Im thinking about selling my Theremin. I haven’t touched it in years.

What does the “B” in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for? Benoit B. Mandelbrot.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? …………

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s OK now.

There are two types of people in this world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.