The 20 Worst Pieces of 'Star Wars' Merchandise Ever Produced
Carly Tennes
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Despite grossing a combined $10 billion at the box office, the overlords of Lucasfilm — and later Disney — weren't going to let potential profits slip through the fingers of their advanced stabilizer gloves. Enter the world of bizarrely-branded Star Wars merchandise, like BB-8-emblazoned oranges and a $500 Luke Skywalker ski suit.
From prequel-themed air sickness bags to Yoda bath products and even a candy that lets you make out with Jar Jar Binks, here are the 20 worst pieces of Star Wars merch ever produced.
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1. Jar-Jar Binks Lollipop
“A promotional item for ‘Star Wars: Episode I’, this [1999] candy featured the plastic likeness of character Jar-Jar Binks, whose mouth opened to reveal a retractable strawberry-flavored sucker, shaped and textured like his tongue. Delightful. -
2. Columbia’s Skywalker Pilot Ski Suit
For the low, low price of $500, you can make your friends and family say “huh?” when you roll up in this neon-orange, Luke Skywalker inspired ski suit. -
3. Star Wars R2D2 Screwdriver With 3 Forged Steel Bits
S—w or s—w not, there is no try. -
4. The 1977 “Goldenrod” C-3PO trading card
While that was not a lightsaber in C-3PO’s armor, Star Wars superfans are still happy to see this hilariously raunchy card. -
5. Star Wars Episode 1 Watto Koosh Ball Toy Figure
We have no idea Watto was going on with this strange Star Wars toy. -
6. Sigma C-3PO Tape Dispenser (1982)
When our parents asked for a ‘Star Wars’ tape, they probably didn’t mean this. -
7. Yoda Themed Bubble Bath
Released alongside ‘The Empire Strikes Back’, this 1981 bubble bath will help you realize your dreams of bathing alongside a green, wrinkly Jedi Master. -
8. Star Wars DarkSide Electric Shaver
“When you lose everything… including your beard … that’s when you’re finally free,” or whatever The Stranger said. -
9. Hot Wheels '70 Chevelle Delivery, Star Wars The Mandalorian 3/5
As Redditor u/P1_Synvictus so aptly put it, “weird scene to use, weird shot to use, weird car to put it on… it’s all just so perplexing.” -
10. Virgin Atlantic’s Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith Airsickness Bag
Ok, the prequels aren’t that bad. -
11. BB-8-branded oranges
These aren’t the droids you’re looking for … They’re a bag of oranges. -
12. Padmé Amidala-themed potato chips
We don’t know who thought Queen Amidala-branded potato chips were a good tie in to 1999’s ‘The Phantom Menace,’ but now is a good time to remind ourselves that to be angry is to be human. -
13. Slave Leia by Star Wars
Ahhh yes, because who doesn’t want to smell like they’ve been captured by Jabba the Hutt? -
14. Baby Yoda Toothpaste Topper
Nothing like brushing your teeth with Grogu puke! -
15. Darth Vader Handheld Shower Head
For the lady in your life that really *really* likes Star Wars. -
16. Zebco Star Wars Spincast Reel and Fishing Rod Combo
The only connection we can think of is some weird, dark joke about daddy issues. -
17. Crocs Star Wars Lined Clogs
You’re heard of Chewbacca, now get ready for Chew-croc-a. -
18. Dog AT-AT Costume
Never tell me that odds … that our dogs refuse to wear this horrible costume. -
19. Yoda Magic 8 Ball Fortune Teller
Fear is the path to the dark side … and so is this Yoda-branded magic 8 ball. -
20. Star Wars Darth Vader Two-Slice Empire Toaster
Though the Amazon listing says users can “BRING DARTH VADER INTO YOUR KITCHEN,” we’d rather toast our bread with lightsabers.
- REPLAY GALLERY
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- The 20 Worst Pieces of 'Star Wars' Merchandise Ever Produced
Jar-Jar Binks Lollipop
“A promotional item for ‘Star Wars: Episode I’, this [1999] candy featured the plastic likeness of character Jar-Jar Binks, whose mouth opened to reveal a retractable strawberry-flavored sucker, shaped and textured like his tongue. Delightful.
“A promotional item for ‘Star Wars: Episode I’, this [1999] candy featured the plastic likeness of character Jar-Jar Binks, whose mouth opened to reveal a retractable strawberry-flavored sucker, shaped and textured like his tongue. Delightful.
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