Hearing the alternative choruses is especially unsettling, my brain literally wants to scream out the 'Thriller' lyrics instead.

I like to imagine that the universe in which this went on to be the version that was released to the world was one where Michael went on to embrace his skin condition instead of getting all those surgeries. Jeff Bezos works as an assistant manager at a Barnes & Noble, and cancer is somehow less severe but more annoying - like it's specifically butt tumors that are curable but make pooping really uncomfortable.