32 Stupid Things People Have Called Satanic

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32 Stupid Things People Have Called Satanic

Look for the Devil and you will find him

By Nathan Johnson

Published 3 years ago in Funny

It's the devil! Or at least that's what these people thought. Here are 32 stupid things people blamed on the Devil.

1
The same teacher who taught abstinence only sex-ED class took away my deck of Magic cards because they were satanic. How am i supposed to keep my virginity without my Magic cards!?

2
A toothache. "The devil is trying to enter my body." Was the quote. Initially i thought they were making a weird joke. They were serious.

3
Rocks. I’m a rock hound, and collect rocks, gems, and stones. The link between crystals and spirituality has gotten me called a devil worshipper…for liking rocks. I don’t even use them spiritually, I just like shiny s**t.

4
Being left handed...a church I visited wouldn't let me play music bc of it.

5
"Godzilla" because god's name shouldn't be used like that. Told his kids there was a spelling error and it's actually called "Goodzilla".

6
I knew this Christian lady that refused to eat deviled eggs. Edit: my wife said her cousins weren't allowed to eat candy on Halloween when they were kids because their mom didn't want to celebrate the "devils birthday".

7
Tampons. I'm not joking or lying. When I was a kid, early 90's, there was a "God Botherer" protesting outside a Superdrug (UK Pharmacy chain) screaming about the Satanism of feminine hygiene products corrupting women into sin. This God Botherer was a woman.

8
I remember a lady saying she refused to eat mushrooms, they were satanic because they grew in the dark.

9
Back in the 70s it was a lot of stupid: bar codes. The little symbol on Proctor & Gamble products. Yoga and/or meditation. Lots of different music by different artists. My small town Christian private school had a particular teacher who was absolutely dying mad about his students' fondness for Michael Jackson, AC/DC, and other bands of the time. The funniest one of all was dancing. The joke around my (conservative Christian) college in the 80s was that sex was outlawed because it could lead to dancing... for some bizarre reason the administration thought dancing was totally evil.

10
Dark brown eyes. There was this batshit lady at my old church who worked in the youth ministry. She accused my sister of devil worship saying that she had "shark eyes".

11
Back in the 90's my family had a home pc. We didn't have much so this computer was a big deal to my brothers and I. For school work and some good old fashioned DOS games. My dad managed to figure out how to get a screen saver with sound onto the computer, was quite proud of himself too. He failed to mention this screensaver to my mother who is VERY religious. So one day I am sitting in highschool and get called to the principals office mid 2nd period. Now I am a darn near straight A student, who didn't get in trouble ever. So this isn't something that has ever happened to me. I get to the office, and I was told my mother called and was very very distraught and I needed to head home to be with her. I hear the secretary telling another office staff that she was losing her mind, and a few variations to that effect. I rush home to find the pastor from church, performing an exorcism on our computer. My mother praying fervently through gasping sobs. The pastor and my mother prayed for sometime, before my dad came home. My dad gets home mad he was called home then he just starts laughing hysterically. Calls my mom a few variations of dumb, goes and wiggles the mouse to bring the computer up and plays the darth vader screen saver he added to the computer. "Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant" “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” "You underestimate the power of the Dark Side. If you will not fight, then you will meet your destiny." You know all the come to the darkside quotes. With a picture of darth vaders face. Of course my mother couldn't get the computer to do it again because she kept messing with it, and it never went back to sleep mode. So of course her first thought was we had a evil satanic computer possessed by the devil himself. The pastor just quietly snuck out with me during my dads laughing and my moms sobs.

12
Wifi. Because they didn't understand how it could work without wires.

13
My mom was terrified I'd accidentally summon a demon playing yugioh.

14
Unicorns. Their horns are the sign of satan. I wish I was making this up.

15
i was once wearing my hat backwards and got called a devil worshipper.

16
A microscope. An acquaintance of mine called a microscope a “gift from the devil” because it makes people question the divine plan.

17
Without a shred of sarcasm I once heard an evangelical describe hot cheetos as a product of the devil.

18
My dad wouldn't let me watch anything that had magic or monsters because he thought it would let demons into the house. This included power rangers, Ben 10, H20 just add water, harry potter, scooby doo and more. The most ridiculous one was not letting me watch Jessie on Disney channel. This had no magic or monsters but he thought that the pet lizard one of the characters had represented the snake that deceived Eve into eating the apple.

19
The Lord of the Rings works and The Chronicles of Narnia. Both Tolkien and Lewis were devout Christians.

20
Sporks. I once heard someone say, "The spork is 'the devil's utensil' because it is the amalgamation of the masculine fork and the feminine spoon and is trying to blur gender lines in society."

21
I wanted to learn to play the violin as a child but was told I couldn’t because it was the devil’s instrument.

22
“Masters of the Universe”. It was back in the 80’s. My crazy, over the top, religious aunt said ,” it’s satanic! There is only ONE master of the universe and it’s god!!!” 6 yo me rolled my eyes so hard, I’m sure you could hear the noise it made.

23
Oh man. A paperback copy of Frankenstein's monster with an illustration of the monster on the front. The experience of feeling desire for black men. Pokémon. Yoga. Source: grew up in a fundamentalist Christian community rampant with ignorance and bigotry of all kinds.

24
My very religious aunt once referred to Hooters as “satan's snack shop”. Her husband was a frequent visitor and she found the receipts in his truck lol

25
Having more than 2pets at home.

26
My mom called my art satanic because I drew dragons and wolves with horns when I was a kid.

27
1. Coca Cola because the red supposedly represented the devil 2. A deck of playing cards

28
I’ve heard that when your eye twitches it means you are possessed by a demon and he is looking out your eye.

29
F**king Hello Kitty. Some religious f**ktards from my sister-in-law's family, took away all the Hello Kitty toys from my niece and burnt them because... sigh... there is a demon in the sumerian mythology who, just like the famous cartoon cat, has no mouth, so Hello Kitty is obviously daemonic.

30
For awhile I wasn't allowed to use the word "weird" because it was associated with witchcraft. Apparently because Shakespeare wrote about the witches of "weird".

31
The peace symbol. My HS biology teacher saw me wearing one & explained the peace symbol. It's a inverted cross... The sides have been bent down & away from God....