COLD IS A RELATIVE THING

60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Wisconsin plant gardens.

50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Wisconsin sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down.

32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
Wisconsinites chill their beer outdoors.

20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold.

Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Wisconsinites close the windows.

10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico .
People in Wisconsin get out their winter coats.

25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Wisconsin are selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Wisconsin let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Wisconsinites get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van.

460 (-459.67 F below zero):
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero, zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Wisconsin start saying..."Cold enough fer ya?"

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Wisconsin public schools will open 2 hours late.