"I was taking my granddaughter, 4, back home after she spent the week with me. While in the bathroom at an Applebee's, she cried "I want my mother!" in front of a state trooper. We left the men's room and went to our table, and she was still whimpering. The state trooper came over and asked me for some ID...I guess just doing his job. I explained that she was my granddaughter and that I was taking her home. He then asked my granddaughter if I was her grandfather. She shook her head no. Then added with a big smile, 'he is my Poppy.'"

"He has this habit of pulling down his pants when he's upset. It's funny in a family context...but not so much at the airport."

"My little brother took a poop on our front lawn in broad daylight. He was four and we had a bunch of neighbors outside. I turned around and he was completely naked taking a dump on our lawn. He said he wanted to poop like a dog."

"When pregnant with our second child, we told our first — three years old at the time — that mommy's belly was so big because there was a baby in there. At a restaurant a couple days later, a heavy-set woman walked by our table. My daughter shouted, 'Look mom! That lady had a baby in her butt!'"

"I would check my 2-year-old's diaper to see if she had a messy diaper. I would ask if she was 'poopy'. One day while my husband was working on cables under his desk, she decided to stick her hand down the back of his pants and pull back. 'You poopy daddy?' My husband proceeded to suddenly freak out and smack his head on the desk. 'No poopy,' she said, joyfully skipping off. She was proud of herself for being so helpful."

"Around the time my son was 3 or 4, he started noticing when people were overweight and pointing it out, usually calling them fat. I sat him down for a heart-to-heart talk about how people come in all shapes and sizes, and that calling people fat was hurtful. A few days later, we were in line at a bookstore behind a rather large gentleman. I saw my son staring at him, so I gave him the 'Please remember our recent conversation' look. He proceeded to say (very loudly I might add), 'Mom — look at the man in front of us. I'm not gonna say he's fat because that might hurt his feelings so I'm just gonna say he's strong. He's very, very strong.' Cue quiet chuckling from everyone within earshot, embarrassed large man, cringing me, and my beaming son who was so proud of himself for learning his lesson."

"When a family friend had new neighbors moving in down the street, they went over to greet them. He was talking to the guy, and his son — like 5 at the time — rolls over on his big wheel and with his arms fully extended says, 'My daddy's penis is this big!' And rode away. They both just paused for a second, and the new guy turned to him and said, 'Uhh... Good for you?'"

"I taught my kids not to fart at the table. My 4-year-old apparently thinks it's then appropriate to run over to the next table in the restaurant and let one rip..."

"I was dating a guy back when my son was maybe 7 or 8 years old. I picked him up from the airport one night and brought my son with me. While we were driving home, the three of us started playing the game 'raise your hand if you've ever,' and five minutes in, my son blurts out, 'Raise your hand if you've ever clogged up the toilet with a big pile of poop like my mom did today!' I still want to run away and hide just thinking about it."

"He sat next to my shoulder while I was laying in bed fighting a migraine. He pooped his pants, plopped backwards onto my head, and slid along my head smearing poop in my hair and ear, then onto my face. He's two. But it was up there in the list of the worst moments of my life. I opted for dragging him fully dressed into the shower and scrubbing the two of us for an hour while crying."

"My nephew is 6, and at the grocery store the other day, he kept counting out loud. Finally I asked why, and he yelled 'I'm counting brown people!' I wanted the floor to swallow me up!"

"My family is pretty religious. Anyway, when I was about 4 my mom brought me to the bank and put me up on the teller counter while looking through her purse. I looked at the lady and allegedly yelled 'Mom, I thought you said Jesus didn't make ugly people!'"